I can't live without you
by Merro
Summary: A teenage Severus Snape is trying to cope with the fact that James Potter is making his life a living hell, but what happens when he begins to fall in love with just the man he seems to hate so much?
1. Lily Evans

Hello. The first couple of chapters will be about Lily, but don't worry; from then on it will be more about James.

I wanted to make shorter chapters since I usually find longer chapters lose my attention by the end.

This is written from a younger Snape's perspective. I hope you like it.

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I knew I was mad to be in love with Lily. I knew that she was out of bounds, as pretty and intelligent as she was. I knew I wasn't good looking or strong enough for her, my only defining feature being my unnatural talent in potions.

But worst of all, I knew that I was in Slytherin, and she was a Griffindor.

Although when I first met her, none of this stopped me from hoping that by some bizarre accident, wether from extensive brain damage or a secret slip of a love potion, that she would love me back.

She never did though.

Of course, it was only natural she would want to be with James Potter, handsome and popular, and being a Griffindor just made him more of a prime choice for her. He could crush your dreams with any girl in a matter of seconds, and turn the entire population of Hogwarts against you as a bonus feature.

Obviously, he didn't like me at first, since Griffindor is basically designed to hate us and vice versa, but once he found out about my secret fascination with Lily Evans, my life at Hogwarts became the beginning of my downward descent into Hell.


	2. James Potter

Ah, angst. Is it just me, or did anyone else cry in Order of the Pheonix while reading about Snapes childhood?

Did anyone else have spontaneous burst of tears throughout the next few days of school when remembering it? No? I suppose that's where we draw the line, then…

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"Hey Snivelly Snape!" He shouted loudly, causing me to jump in fright and drop all my books to the ground.

I pretended not to notice James Potter striding up behind me, and proceeded to pick up my copy of _Advanced Potion-making_ and clutch it tightly to my chest. I rose slowly, my back turned to Potter and took a step forward in the hope that he would leave me alone.

"Where are you going, Snape!" He taunted, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around. In horror I noticed that he had the Black boy and a couple of other 7th years with him. I had no chance against them.

"Yeah, we just wanted to chat with you!" Sirius sneered, the other three sniggering menacingly with him.

"I have potions now, if you'll excuse me…" I muttered, my eyes glued to my neatly laced shoes. I tightened my grip on _Advanced Potion-making_ and shuffled my weight to my right leg.

"By all means, go right ahead!" Potter laughed darkly opening the way for me and waving his hand towards my classroom. I blinked once, surprised that he was letting me go so easily, and stepped towards the open door only to find myself zooming into contact with the hard castle floor.

I struggled up, my head spinning and my books halfway across the classroom, while James and his friends doubled over in laughter at me.

"I… I just stuck out my foot and… I didn't expect him to fall for it…" he howled in delight between guffaws.

I felt my face go an unpleasant shade of pink as I noticed Lily giggling softly at me, covering her mouth as if I wouldn't notice. My intestines seemed to tie themselves into a tight knot, and my heart throbbed sharply in pain. It was then that I decided to stop loving Lily.

And stupidly fall for someone else.


	3. Torment

Tell me if this chapter is too cheesy, I wrote it at 12:30am the other night while having one of those crazy fits of writing that anyone who loves to write will probably understand. I immediately proceeded to fall asleep on my father's laptop as I typed the last word, leaving an unsavoury stream of gibberish after the chapter to entertain myself when I woke up.

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James Potter ran his fingers through his untidy mop of dark hair, flashing a set of sparkling pearly whites at Lily, who frowned in reply and looked back at her textbook.

He looked unsettled by this, frowning away from her and folding his arms, but lightening up as he noticed me sitting with my back pressed hard against a tree 30 feet away from him.

I looked down, gritting my teeth and pretending to be engrossed in my copy of _Dark Arts: A brief History_, my right hand hidden in my robes and ready to whip out my wand if need be.  
"Snivellus-"

"_Expelli-"_

"_EXPELLIARMUS!" _Potter shouted, interrupting me and causing my wand to fling out of my hand and land away from me. I lunged for it, my black hair falling like curtains around my sallow white face.

"_Impedimenta!"_ He caught me, my knees buckling and locking under my weight. I struggled to move under the curse, willing my wand to come to my rescue with my mind, although I knew it was hopeless.

"Not so confident now, are we, Snivellus?" He laughed, a look of malice in his eyes.

I clenched my jaw and stopped myself from swearing loudly, because I knew he would just laugh at me. I snarled, pausing my thrashing momentarily to look up, my long black hair half blinding me, and muttered a hate filled warning of "Watch out, Potter…"

James only laughed, flicking his wand and causing my skin to erupt in a painful pale blue rash.

I winced, aggressively holding back tears and biting my bottom lip, flashing a look at James, my face filled with what I sincerely hoped to be a hostile expression.

A crowd had begun to gather, laughing and cheering Potter on as he taunted me.

"Hey Snivelly, when was the last time you washed your hair?" he snorted suddenly, and grabbed my by the scruff of my neck. I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it and widened my eyes as I notice where he was planning to drag me – the lake.

Which, I can assure you, was not a pleasant place to be in the midst of winter.

"No…NO!" I shouted, struggling to raise my arms, still under the curse.

Some of the students gasped, looking at each other and whispering, smiles of anticipation lingering on their excited faces.

"Well, enjoy your bath, Snivellus!" James sneered as we reached the waters edge, setting me down and shoving me in with his foot.

I yelped as I first came into contact with the icy lake, my whole body soon submerged in the deep basin of water. I felt my blood freeze in my veins, my heart slowing as the pressure of the chill. At once the curse had lifted, but as I tried to pull up towards the surface my arms became limp and weak once more, as if the water had planted it's own, much stronger binding spell on me. I felt my eyelids closing as the ridiculous craving to sleep seemed to wash over me. My mouth opened and water rushed in, pouring down my throat and settling in my lungs. Was I going to die here? Killed by the wizard filth, Potter?

Well, even dying was better than facing him the next day. I would never live this down.


End file.
